Let Me See Those Jazz Hands!

I love jazz music. It's a simple thing to be thankful for, I suppose. I love its bounce and soul and depth and spontaneity! I love that it is just so easy to sing along with and that it permeates this warmth that the indie records I listen to do not. That said, there are times when I crave the cold, impersonal nature of those indie tunes as well. Whatever the music, let it wash away your cares and allow your soul to drift off to imaginary freedoms.

Reflections

Today I read through some of my posts from the beginning of the year. I like to do that every so often to reflect on the past year and how I've grown, or to see which things are still challenging me. Today I noticed that I am still learning to balance an over-packed or fast-paced life with moments of peace and valuable time spent with people. Living in our society the way it is now, I think this may end up being a life-long problem, but I do hope that I never lose sight of what is truly important in life.  

Tiny messages

Today I am so thankful for little notes. My flatmate is ill right now, so before I left for work this morning, I drew a quick sketch and left a "feel better soon!" note. Personally, I love things like this. I find them so lovely and encouraging. I think it is absolutely lovely that someone would take the time and effort to sincerely wish you well or encourage you in some way. I received a lovely e-mail the other day with such uplifting and edifying words, it literally made my day and changed my whole attitude. The tiniest efforts have the potential to make the hugest difference. Like the fulcrum of a teeter-totter, so small, yet so well-placed. 

Simplicity

I came across this today, and I was humbled. Although my life seems a confused jumble at the moment, I actually enjoy the freedom of most...if not all, of these things:
http://www.marcandangel.com/2012/11/28/19-signs-youre-doing-better-than-you-think/

A Simple Postcard

The other day I received a card from home, and then today I received a postcard from home again! I am so pleased! These small pieces of mail are more than just paper to me; they remind me that I am loved by someone, somewhere in the world. And even though I can't see them every day, I can read my cards and feel their love and hugs from across the distant ocean.

Baby Steps

Yesterday I had an interview for (pretty much) my dream job. Today I heard that they were very impressed but that they need to consult the higher ups to see if I can be fit in. All of this is super nerve-wracking and exciting; but I just want to take a moment and be thankful that I've even made it this far! I honestly never imagined that I would actually have this opportunity and even if it doesn't work out, I have to remember all that has happened and to have the courage to keep running after my dreams!

Celebrate!

Let me also just say that yesterday, when I came home from my convocation ceremony, there was a message on my machine telling me that I had a Skype interview schedule for the next morning. How awesome is that?! To have a job interview scheduled with a school straight after walking out of graduation! I am so excited and grateful!

Humbled

Today I am humbled beyond comprehension. Yesterday, I graduated from university with my second degree and while I stood proudly in pictures and drank up the well-wishes yesterday, today I reflect and appreciate all of the kind words and gestures of everyone who has supported me. It has been a long haul, with plenty of tears and some moments of joy, but we've made it! I am grateful to everyone who made this possible, and I know that this kind of sounds like an Oscar speech, but really, I couldn't have done this without my family giving me a ride to school, housing me, feeding me, being patient with my meltdowns, knocking sense into me, forcing me to take a break, and most of all, believing in me and showing it. I've got my "Congratulations, Graduate!" cards here and they mean so much to me because these people are proud of me, they are proud to know me and to support me, and that makes me really happy to know that I am worthwhile and worthy of being proud of. So thank you.

Streams of sunlight

I love mornings. I also love those gentle streams of sunlight that come in through a window, maybe just a crack, making a pool of light on the floor. So simple, so beautiful.

Thunderclap

I just love thunderstorms. I love the power in the sky. I love the surprise of where the lightning might strike next. I love the loud crack of thunder. I love the dramatic outpouring of rain. I love the risk that the power may fail, plunging the world into silence and darkness. Thunderstorms are great.

Rain

This morning my mum looked out the window and saw it was raining; she said, "what a cozy day!" Later in the morning I walked to the library, and it was so fresh! There was a light breeze, a soft patter of rain, and the sky, though grey, was bright. The rain let up easily and now I'm sitting by the window in the library. I just looked up from my work to daydream as I peered out over the lake and I found that the window had streams of raindrops running down it. But the sun is shining from somewhere that I can't see! Even if the sun weren't shining, this moment is just so beautiful; to have the privilege to watch the rain fall and to see the trees become their brilliant spring green.

Dreamline

On the topic of dreams, I am super (SUPER) thankful for my vivid imagination. I don't even know how to describe how wild and amazing my imagination is, dreaming and not. I love it! It keeps me so entertained and it keeps life so interesting! Sometimes it scares me out of my socks, but then I remember that it's just my amazing imagination and everything's okay again!

Dream Away

I have a lot of nightmares...as in, every night my dreams are unpleasant. But the other night I actually had a GOOD dream, not just "not bad", but truly good, with some crazier parts thrown in, of course, but it wouldn't be a dream if it weren't a little wild, right?

Blessings in Disguise

The other day I got sick, like food poisoning sick, but it's okay because I'm fine now, and also, it made me so tired that I slept for 11 hours! Wow! Haven't had a sleep as solid as that in a very long time.

The Plus Side

I'm trying hard to believe that there is always a silver lining. Sometimes, bad things just happen, but our perspective on how we deal with that changes what becomes of that situation so dramatically. Today I walked a muddy trail and got my shoes all muddy and wet, but on the plus side, they've dried out now so I can probably clean them up okay. And then today also, someone broke a mug that I was growing oregano in, but on the plus side, I'm growing oregano in two other pots as well. Also on a general positive, I found my white belt that, earlier today, I thought I had lost. Yay.

Work

Today I got called into work. I was pretty happy about this because I like my job and it gives some structure and purpose to the day. Today, work was great, I made a library card for a lady's daughter and she said that it was going to make her day and a little girl came in and gave me some dandelions that she said she had picked for me! So sweet!

Activate!

School finished last Friday, and since work is a little slow right now, I'm taking this week as kind of a holiday to catch up with things and to relax (gasp!). While I am learning to relax, and that it is worthwhile; my focus for this post is about activity. I have told myself that I want to get back into cycling this summer, and every morning I wake up and feel lazy and guilty because I haven't done it yet. I even had a dream last night that my bike tires were flat, but I went anyway! But really, I don't think that guilt should be my motivation for getting active. This week, I have walked on trails and wandered around town; I love walking, and since I'm able to, why not? The biking will come, but right now, I need to celebrate the baby steps and the things that I enjoy!

Summer!

Summer is here! On Sunday, I wandered around the local antique market with some good ice-cream and better friends. I absolutely love the Sunday market here! I love drifting through the junk and the treasures and flipping through well-worn books from my childhood. This past Sunday, although it was still April, was warm and sunny and seriously, a truly perfect summer's day.

A Timothy Green Kind of Day

Today is SUCH a beautiful day! This morning I walked to school, and I was not in a happy place, my mind was all clouded and swirling with negative thoughts. I actually felt like I was physically struggling to enjoy the sun and birds tweeting. But then, in walking, breathing, trying to look at the world with eyes of wonder, the negative swirl began to dissipate. Later, I read and relaxed, listened to some music and took another walk and my! What a difference! If you've ever seen the movie, The Odd Life of Timothy Green, then you'll know what I'm talking about when I say I wanted to pull a Timothy Green and just stand with my arms outstretched and soak up life. I wanted to spin in a field and sing. It's amazing what some fresh and sun can do!

School

Today is Thursday of the first week back to classes after two months on practicum. This week, I am thankful that the first four days have been easy-going and not too pressured. I'm glad to have had some time to rest and to catch up with friends whom I haven't seen in a while. And while I know that this week is probably the calm before the storm, I am determined to be thankful for what it is right now, in this moment, rather than allowing my own thoughts about the future ruin the present.

Commitment

I've been thinking a lot about change lately and about where I want to be in the next year or so. It's a bit tricky because in order to make a change in a positive (or any) direction, you have to know (or at least have an inkling) of the end result that you're looking for. You need to have a goal. As I've been thinking about change, I've been realizing that I don't really have any concrete goals at the moment, and I think that it really holds me back in a lot of ways. I think too, that I'm afraid to make a goal because that means I have to stick to it, to work hard at it, and actually commit to that change. But, I've also been reading a lot of different sources that have been telling me that change is good, that it feels so awesome to achieve your goals, to plow forward and not let your life be led by fear. In order for change, real change, to happen, you've got to commit.

Happy Easter!

My doctor told me that in March, the sun shines the strongest (in Canada, at least); that, after a long, grey winter, the clouds break and things begin to grow again. Easter is timely in this way, symbolizing new life. I've been learning a lot about time lately, and I have to say that I really appreciate that it always marches forward. I know it seems as though we never have enough and that it always moves to quickly, but after this winter, I am so glad that time keeps marching on. Time has brought Spring, the offer of fresh starts and new life.

Art

I recently presented my portfolio for art class and I wasn't entirely satisfied with all of it, but I'm trying to be okay with that. In fact, I even told them that when I presented it, because that was the whole point of creating the portfolio, the growth. So I started at one point, didn't like it, and grew from it; isn't that just like life? The theme of my portfolio was light and dark, and I found it so interesting because even though, in art, you're meant to begin light and gradually add dark to the canvas, I just had to do it backwards. Dark needed to come first. I think sometimes that we need to go through the dark in order to appreciate the light, or even to understand it better. In the end, I had created a few pieces that I was actually satisfied with, my favourite being one stormy seascape with hints of hope along the horizon.

A lot to be thankful for

I have a lot to be thankful for. I just finished four weeks at an amazing practicum; the students got along so well together, but of course, there were hiccups now and then. I felt enthusiastic about my work and the class and I actually loved being there. It just reminded me; this is why I'm teaching. It's moments like these that I have to relish or note down or something so that the other moments, the stressful ones where I question the purpose and point of it all, don't shroud my view of the world. Right now, the light is winning, and I am so thankful.

March 14

Today hasn't been long enough yet...but I think the length of the day only increases your opportunities to be thankful. Today, I honestly just felt like posting something positive here, which I think is a blessing in itself, just the very fact that I feel happy or thankful enough to post something, without even knowing what that might be.

Keep your Eyes on the Prize

Part of what makes this project so effective is just the fact that, even though I don't always get time to post, it still causes me to think about what I'm thankful for throughout the day. I think that it's so important for your mind to be "brainstorming positive thoughts" to keep you from the negative ruts we so easily fall into.

Peace & Puppies

Whenever there is some kind of unrest at my house, or whenever I cry, or whenever their food bowl is out of place, my dogs get upset. But when I cry, they don't bark like they do when their food bowl is in the wrong spot, instead they whine and use their paws to touch me. It's like they're asking me, in their own little way, what is wrong. I love that they come and comfort me when I'm not feeling so great. A good cuddle with my dog always brightens my day just enough.

A Quick & Foggy Reflection

I've been meaning to log on for days to post something. But you know what? Just because I haven't posted, doesn't mean that I haven't been thinking. In fact, I've been thinking a lot more about what to post and what I'm thankful for in the past week than I have in...at least the few weeks before that. My mind is a bit of a jumble right now, and I just woke up from a nap, which isn't really helping this to make sense, but the point is; I need to say that: I'm thankful for the early morning skies that I've been fortunate enough to enjoy on my drive to work. I'm thankful for the sunsets that I can now enjoy on my way home from work as well. One of my favourite moments of the day is when I peer through the rearview mirror to see a reddish orange streaked light painted through the sky behind me. I'm thankful that I spent my Sunday afternoon playing cards and relaxing. I'm thankful that I was able to spend time with my brother and his fiancee and that we make each other laugh side-splittingly. I am thankful that I have had four job interview offers in the past week! And I'm thankful that the possibilities seem endless at the moment. I'm thankful for cozy cardigans and snuggly scarves. I'm thankful for happy green pants and sweet scented hand cream. I'm thankful that my life is full and busy...although I know that it doesn't need to be busy to be full. But I'm thankful that I can spend my time helping people. I'm thankful that I had a deliciously healthy lunch today. I'm thankful for my cuddly dogs and my warm bed. I am thankful for all of these things and more; I just need to keep them in mind when it rains in my head.

Oh Happy Day!

Today was good. When I got up this morning, my alarm went off 15 minutes late, the internet wasn't working and I couldn't find my other mitten. But nothing could get me down. Why? I'm not sure! But it was sunny and the few clouds were stunning in the morning light. I love those silent moments. Or even the moments like these when they are filled with a great song that you can pump up the day with!

Sunday

I know that it's nearly Thursday and I've ignored all of the other days, but Sundays are important to me. Sundays, the day of rest, are possibly the least restful of days in my own experience. They haven't always been this way, but currently, lately, I seem to always end up in tears on a Sunday. I cry other days too, but Sundays are fairly consistent in time and reason. But this Sunday, this Sunday was amazing. If someone had asked me how my Sunday went, I would have replied, "fine", and it would be true. There was nothing spectacular about this particular Sunday, in fact, it was pretty boring. But if it was so boring, why did I describe it as amazing? Well, I was happy because I didn't cry. And not just that I didn't cry, my goal is not to suppress my emotions; I was happy because I had no reason to cry this week, thank goodness. Let's just hope it lasts.

Peace

Today, I felt great peace. I don't know why, I just had moments where I was completely satisfied. Not overly euphoric, just sighfully satisfied, whether because of a song, or a memory, or joy in driving, all brought me peace today. But then, you could argue that these things are always there, but my perspective brought me peace today. And I think it was a little of both, some circumstance, some attitude; it's the balance that makes up life, and that makes life so challenging.

Two Steps Backward, One Step Forward

Must I always be looking back? I'm beginning to feel as though this blog is dragging me backwards instead of propelling me forwards into hope. It's good to be reflective, but what I had aimed for with this blog was to be reflective in a moment, not struggling to remember a week or more. There is a huge difference between remembrance and reflection. Sometimes, we encounter stages in life where it is necessary to step backwards in order to step forwards; sometimes stepping back gives you a better perspective, sometimes it allows you to solidify some learning, sometimes, you're just not ready to dive in. Whatever it is, the important thing is that you learn and that you always keep marching forward.

Fill that Bucket!

Let's pretend that everyone has a bucketful of needs. The thing is, the bucket is filled with different compartments so that it can be filled with different things. The thing is, everyone you know has the capacity to fill your bucket, but there is no one person in particular who has the ability to fill all of the compartments. Are you still following? What I'm getting at here is the idea that we all have different talents or ways that we connect with people or can "fill their bucket", but nobody is Superman. No one can fill all of the compartments, no one can meet all the needs of the people around them, just as we cannot look to one person to fill all of our own needs. Sometimes we need to stop and think about that, and be grateful for the people we do have and for the ways in which our bucket is overflowing. I, personally, need to stop thinking that I am Superwoman and can fill everyone's buckets with a flick of my magic wand. I need to be more grateful for my own gifts and the role that they do play rather than be jealous about the role that I want them to play.

January 27th

Today I am thankful because it is Sunday. It is sunny and I am tucked away in my room working on homework. What I like most about Sunday though, is that you can move at your own pace...usually. Something about Sunday demands peace. It's as though your inside self says, nope, all of the other days can be filled with chaos and ridiculosity, but today I need peace. And today, I would encourage you to seek that out. There isn't peace at my house on Sunday very often and so I go to the bookstore, or the coffeeshop, anywhere where I can just have some time away to recollect myself for the week ahead.

January 26th

Today could have been a disappointing day. One of my favourite bands is playing in a city I went to visit last weekend. But, instead, I spent some time with friends here, in my town! I was just about to list all of the things that I did today, but then I realized, I don't want to measure my success or happiness by my productivity. Today, I am satisfied knowing that I balanced my time.

Another Week Gone By...

Well, it seems as though I'm making a habit of the weekly post. I think with everything going on right now, it might be better to take the pressure of the daily, but it's still something that I want to work towards. hmm, so since the 21st...well, Tuesday was great because I had my first rehearsal for the school musical and, even though it takes up precious time, it actually de-stressed me a bit. I could actually eat dinner when I got home! Wednesday I finished some homework, which was super good because it just feels so awesome to cross one more thing off the never-ending list. Thursday I said, "no" to everything and just stayed home in the evening to work on things; sometimes you just need to put things on hold so that you can get a handle on them again. Friday was so good; it was hard in parts, but good. I was beginning to feel the tension creep back in and I was super restless and then I had a super good chat with some of the other youth leaders late into the night. I just love it when truth is spoken.

January 21st

Today is known as "Blue Monday" because it is 3 weeks from New Year's and the dead of winter. People are becoming discouraged in their resolutions and getting pretty much fed up with the stretch of cold, grey winter days. But today, I chose not to be "blue" or "grey" or any other colour for that matter. Today, I choose to be thankful! Today I am thankful because I went to have my shiny new professional resumé reviewed and proofread and it went quite well! I had prepared myself for an academic tear-down, but instead found affirmation, wow!

Resolutions

Isn't it funny how we think we're different than the rest? How we have this strange belief that we are invincible, impervious, whatever. We always think that we will stand out, laughing in the face of statistics. I say all this because it has now been 3 weeks since the new year, and I have found that I'm already a week behind on my resolution of a piece of gratitude every day. But it is not time to give up! Instead, it is time to renew the commitment, knowing that it is good. So, the past week has been a little crazy. Tuesday I was thankful to have had the first rehearsal for the school musical (on the Bucket List!), Wednesday I was thankful to be bombarded with information about jobs and recruiters, and also to work with my brother. Thursday I was thankful to have run into a friend and share dinner with them before heading off to work. Friday I was thankful to make some progress in my life drawing. Saturday I was thankful to spend the day in Montréal with some friends, touring around, getting wet, getting lost, waiting in lines, shopping, laughing, eating, speaking French, taking pictures. It was exhausting, but fun and freeing. Today, Sunday, I am thankful to have some time to get work done...although, as usual, I can never accomplish as much as I want (maybe I spend too much time blogging); but I am also amazingly thankful to go to the Truth Project tonight and to be led in discussion for once. To have someone listen and respond, validate and challenge what I have to say. So refreshing. I have a good life.

January 14th

Wow! Today was just a whirlwind of amazing! I met some recruiters for teaching in the UK which is exactly what I want to do, and they were from the same area as my family which was super cool and very helpful. Plus, I got a ton of work done...although I'm still feeling a little lost as to my school work (there is always something that I'm forgetting...), I've got it mostly all under control, phew! And tonight I went out for dinner & a movie with one of my sincere friends whom I haven't seen in a while because she's working far away at the moment. How is it that the best friends are always moving around? But that's fine! Appreciate the time we do have together, that's the key.

What a Whirlwind!

Well, it's been 4 days since my last post, but I haven't given up! On Thursday, I was able to spend some time with a group of lovely young women from my small group at church. I don't know all of them very well, but we played some board games, shared some fun stories and I'm looking forward to learning and growing more with them this semester. On Friday, my very good friend came down for the weekend for a conference, which was fabulous! The speaker we heard that night was hilarious yet insightful and down to earth. Saturday brought a lot of things; my friend and I spent some time together studying and chatting in Starbucks and then we went out for dinner with some other friends which was also absolutely hilarious. Today is Sunday and while I'm sad that my friend has gone home and that we didn't get to talk about everything under the sun, I am thankful for the time that we had and the affirmation of that friendship, despite its imperfections. I'm also happy to have some downtime before school starts up again tomorrow, goodness knows I need some time to get all this work done!

January 8th

Today I was really happy to have the time to sit and have a really good conversation with one of my friends. We hadn't seen each other since before Christmas and our conversation yesterday was very encouraging. I'm hoping to have more like that in the future. I am inspired to show my friends how much they mean to me by reaching out to them, listening to them, spending time with them in this crazy place where time is so valuable.

Week One

Well, this is one week down. It's had its ups and downs, but I have to say, I like that I come to this every day, even for just a few moments to pause and reflect on something good. Today I am super happy because my nan and I were chatting and I had an envelope full of information I had just picked up from school. I had already walked through some of it with her very briefly, but after we had taken a break she got her glasses and said, "let me take a look through it." I said, "I already went through it, kind of; you don't have to." And replied with the best answer I've heard, "But I want to." I love that. I mean, I love my nan so much, for so many reasons; but this just made me really happy today. Finally, someone actually says that they care about something that I'm interested in, that means something to me. She showed me that she valued me, not by saying, "you're so great" but by taking the time to spend with me, on something that is important to me. That is super, pass it on. SHOW people you care.

January 6th

Ahh Sunday. During the semester, Sunday is a busy social day; it's good for catching up with friends, or on homework. But today, the last day before school starts up once more, I was able to relax and play cards all afternoon. And right now, I'm thankful to have some time to myself to get my brain organized!

January 5th

Today I worked, and I am thankful for that; but I am also extremely thankful that I was able to finish work while it was still daylight! And what a beautiful day too!

1, 2, 3, 4...

Today is January 4th, 2013. It's a Friday, so naturally there are many things to be thankful for. But I don't want to allow my circumstances determine my attitude or happiness, although they may have some unintentional influence. How couldn't they? I'm human. Anyway, I have three days of gratitude to check in here before I even get to today! January 1st: I was very happy to wake up in the company of friends, of good and true friends that I hadn't seen in a while. Excellent. January 2nd: I was delighted to go skating, and at sunset no less! It was absolutely freezing, but completely worth the time spent breathing in fresh winter air and chatting with an old friend. January 3rd: Ahh, I was thankful to be able to stay in my jammy bottoms until 2 o'clock. I got to take the day at my own pace for a change and enjoy the beauty of silence. I also got to play cards with my nan, which was great. Today I am thankful that I got to dance around freely and wildly and just because!

A Year of Gratitude

Today is Thursday, January 3rd, 2013. We are only 3 days into the new year and I'm already exhausted and behind on my to-do list. But, one thing that I decided this year (and it's been tugging at me for a while now), is that I would bring more gratitude into my life. I believe that one of the main reasons we walk around dissatisfied, disappointed, and disillusioned is because we don't make the effort to look on the bright side. For me, last year had its own ups and downs and when I look back, I look back on two completely different years. The 2012 where I was soaring and I was amazed by so many things in my life, and the 2012 where nothing ever seemed to go my way, where disappointment reared its ugly head around every corner. Both of these are somewhat true, but which lens, which attitude am I going to let win the battle for my heart? This year, I choose gratitude. I am going to try to post every single day at least one thing that I am thankful for that day. Especially on the bad ones. Here's to hope and new beginnings!